Freedom and Self Expression
from the Breakthrough Technology Course
I did the
Breakthrough Technology Course. This is the flagship course from
Landmark Education in Japan which is known in many other places as the
Landmark Forum. I live in Tokyo, am 22 years old and was studying at the
University when I wrote this.
I work hard, have lots of accomplishments and people praise me at times. Before
the
Breakthrough Technology Course, I used these praises as the evidence that I
was really one of the coolest girls you would ever meet. However, I sometimes
felt frustrated when I couldn’t speak eloquently in front of people I admire. In
fact, it bothered me that I felt very nervous and was driven to say something
nice instead of what I wanted to say. Then I got tongue-tied and felt so
miserable.
For example, when I studied under a leading expert in my
field at a foreign university, I admired and respected the professor so much.
One day I approached him to ask some questions. Then suddenly, the familiar
thing happened again. I was unable to speak distinctly and said nonsense
English. He said to me, “It is not clear what you said. Would you come back to
me when you are ready?” I felt so miserable and sad. I decided to be more
careful next time, but I felt trapped. Whatever this was, it had happened
repeatedly.
During
the
Breakthrough Technology Course, something unexpected happened. A long
forgotten episode of my life flashed across my mind. I was in my kindergarten;
we were preparing a play. I wanted to play the main role, Cinderella, but my
teacher assigned me the role of the wicked step-mother. I felt so frustrated and
ashamed, and asked myself how I could avoid such a devastating experience.
So I compared myself with the girl who played Cinderella and
decided, “I see…. If I am not beautiful and elegant, I cannot get the main role!
From now on, I will always try to be beautiful and elegant!” So indeed from that
moment, my life had been about checking people’s reaction - whether I was
beautiful and elegant enough at that moment. I realized that I had been so busy
trying to measure up to a fantasy that I never got a chance to even accept
myself as I was. Until I did just that at the Breakthrough Technology Course!
One year after I did the
Breakthrough Technology Course, I was at the end of my third year at
university and was looking for a job. I decided to apply for a government bank
where I could realize a dream of working for international cooperation and world
peace. I passed three interviews somehow and reached the final one.
I opened the door and entered the room… The faces of the
directors there looked so critical and unfriendly. I started to panic. They
asked me very harsh questions, one after another. My tongue got tied. I was so
desperate, didn’t even know any more what I was saying. But unlike the similar
past incidents, this time I did say what I wanted to say: “I really will work
hard for the bank so please take good care of this interview!”
I said to myself, “Oh My God… This is terrible. I am so
miserable, humiliated and embarrassed.” I left the room and was pale with
disappointment; I was sure I did not act as Cinderella and was convinced that I
failed. Then a deputy manager of the human resources department talked to me. I
sincerely told him that I didn’t do well and it was terrible. He said, “But I
think they could see your passion.” I was surprised to hear that. Once again, I
told him that I really wanted to work there and left.
Later on that
day, I received a call from them and could hear that they would like to work
with me. I got the job! This was one of those breakthrough moments in my life
where the future is not just an extension of my past. Even though I was
miserable and uncool, I got to say what I wanted to say consistent to what I am
up to at the moment. I turned into reality a childhood dream in the real world
competition where only 24 people won out of 2000.
The
point is, I broke through a predictable constraint that has limited me in the
past and now have the freedom to express myself anytime, in any situation, just
as I am. I can be who I am without the need to pretend to be someone else and do
get what I want. That’s my accomplishment from the
Breakthrough Technology Course and it has completely transformed the quality
of my life.
Noriko Usami
